We need to talk about it.

I was trying hard not to say anything about the shameful and outrageous series of events that happened this month across our country, from Bihar to Delhi. It has once again forced us to face the harsh reality of women's safety.

It makes me think about what we have become, what we are becoming, and how we arrived at a point where-even as I write this and as you read it-someone somewhere is unsafe from men. A person's modesty, space, privacy, body, and life are constantly threatened. The data from the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) under the Ministry of Home Affairs clearly reflects this reality. And those are only the cases that were reported. Many more never reach a police station because of shame, fear, or the belief that nothing will happen.

We men, the self-proclaimed "most intelligent species," have self-righteously spent thousands of years assuming that we are meant to run the world, and that it must be done our way. We act as though everyone else is inferior and must live by our rules and wishes. We built a world where we decide everything.

We prescribe and dictate how people should live: their attire, speech, access to education and institutions, marriages, and most importantly, their intimacy and bodily autonomy. In our rat race of development and ambition, this is what we have built as a species, a country, and as individuals-a world where women and non-binary individuals are simply not safe.

Yes, we created this. While individuals of any gender can participate in these harmful patterns, this overarching culture of dominance and subjugation is our creation.

I believe that no one is born inherently bad or evil. A newborn child never intends to hurt anyone, which shows that we become what we are shaped into and what we choose to be. And when I say upbringing, it's not just family and caregivers-though they play a crucial part. It is equally society, families, our educational institutions, the era we live in, and our geographic reality. And not to forget how big a part religion plays in it. Every element shapes our worldview and impacts how we see ourselves and how safe or threatening the world is for us-whether one can be themselves and make their own choices, or spend their life bound by the rules and expectations of the men around them.

In all of this, men are the ones holding authority and making most of the decisions. I want to ask: who gave us the right as men to decide how everyone outside of male authority spend their lives, from the smallest choices to the biggest decisions? Who gave us that right?

We often hear the phrase that "women are the pride of the family, society, or country"-depending on the convenience and need of men. No, they are not your pride-that idea stems from your insecurities, your fear of losing power, and your fear of losing control. Every individual has their own identity and they can be proud of who they are. Taking pride in someone is different from branding someone as your pride to possess and manipulate. Why does every religion, system, and custom have an opinion and rules for women? Why was all of it created by men, for men, and enforced upon everyone else? This is the reality of how things are.

The urge for control and the fear of losing it, along with deep-seated insecurities and frustration, take the ultimate ugly shape when we disrespect, tease, sexually harass, rape, murder, and do unthinkable things to women and other genders.

What is happening right now is a failure of the system as well as society. The people who make decisions, from so-called honorable political leaders and holy religious leaders to those in law and order and the judiciary, along with the perpetrators and the women suffering, all come from this very same society. I don't know what it feels like to live in fear every single day, but so many people do. So what does that say about us as men who fail to understand?

There is so much to say, and it makes me deeply angry and sad. In the so-called largest democracy in the world, with one of the oldest, richest cultures, we have adopted hypocrisy and normalized it. Girls protesting at Jantar Mantar have spoken up about day-to-day harassment and their traumatic experiences. And if you talk to female and gender-diverse individuals around you, you will come across similar or worse realities. What are we waiting for? When do we realize that we are doing something wrong every day? We treat women as if they are our property, and gender-diverse people as a source of shame.

Often we hear, "Oh, but we have allowed them to..." Well, who are we to allow anyone anything? Every person is an individual here to live life as they choose. Yet this ownership mindset runs through everything, schooling people into compliance in the name of culture and social norms, and through the threat of harm if they disobey.

Before I go further: when I say "we men," I'm not saying every man is a predator, or that every woman is a victim and vice versa. I'm talking about the overall pattern. India, like most of the world, is patriarchal at its core, and some societies are far better than others on that spectrum. But we can't fix what we won't admit, and taking accountability for the system we benefit from is where it starts.

So what needs to be done? Yes, we need strict policing, more surveillance, and harsh punishment for now. That might temporarily curb crime, like placing a bandage over a wound, but soon enough, it will happen again in another part of the country. Surveillance and fear of punishment may offer temporary security, but safety at the cost of freedom is not safety. It is transactional. Safety is a fundamental right-more than a right, it is a fundamental requirement for any species to survive.

Being able to go out only because there is police presence to protect you is not safety. Staying restricted at home is not safety either; we know how often people are unsafe in their own homes, surrounded by people they know. Real safety is knowing you can walk anywhere at any time, even when no one is around, an unthreatened existence without a single thought of fear. True safety is living at a home and in a society surrounded by people you trust-people who make you feel secure so that you never even have to ask yourself the question of whether you are safe.

Real change has to come from within us.

We need to sit down and reflect on what we are doing and why. Question your beliefs about women and gender-diverse people. Why do you think the way you do? If you have hurt someone, you know it deep down. Think about why you did it. It comes from false beliefs, unexamined fears, and harmful schemas that we picked up or were conditioned to accept as "just the way things are." Reflect on it until you find the root cause and recognize your mistakes.

We need to start questioning ourselves, our society, our rules, and our beliefs. As someone said on a YouTube podcast, "democracy starts at home." Everything starts at home. If people cannot live freely in their own homes, what is the point of anything else?

As for me, I was fortunate enough to grow up among incredible women and have known people of different genders who are inspiring and let you be. Yet, I have made my own fair share of mistakes and have hurt people, for which I am truly sorry. I wish I had known better.

It's not about creating a perfect and harm-free society-it's not Utopia. It's about working towards a free world and society for all of us to live and grow together.

What gives courage and hope in all of this is seeing people out there protesting and raising their voices against wrong. Girls and youth demanding their rights and questioning authority, and somewhere asking all of us as a society and as individuals to self-reflect-that is where our hope lies. We need to talk about it.